Gender Reveal: Who really needs to know the sex of the baby?

2024 Update:
It's so odd reading this now that this baby is 11 years old. I saw it got a view yesterday, and I while I vaguely remember the reasons, and strongly remember how intense this decision felt at the time, some of the reasoning here feels so dated to me, and it was only 12ish years ago! For one, pronouns have come a blessedly long way since. We ask people for pronouns now. The grammatical understanding of "they" as a very historically longstanding singular pronoun is more and more widespread, and an actual option in the conversation with strangers. It wasn't that it wasn't used in 2012; it just wasn't used in the intentional way it is today. It didn't even occur often as an option, and what gender/sex your baby is was a constant question from strangers. 

But more importantly, why did I want to know so bad? Because like it or not, while I had no intention of letting my baby's sex determine everything about what I offered them, let them play with or watch or read or pretend, we live in a society where sex determines heavily how you are treated. Though I didn't mention it then, I knew it then. I was terrified of having a girl, teaching her how to navigate this world. A ridiculous as it sounds, a boy seemed simpler, safer.  Further, we're taught that that piece of information is goign to determine so many things about them and who they are. Perhaps becasue of how we sort and categorize and treat them. But, still. Knowing the baby's gender was discussed as if it unlocked so many unanswered questions about your life ahead. 

It's insane to think how much my view has changed on this over what amounts to such a short amount of time. 

An even deeper truth is the impaitence. I couldn't wait to meet the little life inside of me, and knowing anything and everything I could about them seemed necessary and exciting, like sneaking a peek at Christmas present in July. Because, until you know them, children are nothing but potential. Wide open potential. To fill with your hopes and dreams and worries. 

Anyway, we waited to learn the sex of our second child til birth. 

Orignial Post:

 So, before I got pregnant, I always said that I would wait to know the gender of my baby. For one, the technician could be wrong. For another, I didn't want everyone trying to gender brainwash my baby before it was even born, and that included me.

However, now that I am pregnant and will have the opportunity to find out this up coming Friday, I don't feel so certain on the matter.

I have been all over the web and various blogs trying to get a position on the situation.

Here is what I've come up with:

Pros of knowing:

1. Name focus. Yes, you can have two names picked out, and we do so far, but I'm also insanely busy at work and with other personal matters, and cutting the baby name list reading time in half could be a big help (or would have been).
   
   
2. Shopping practicality. I don't intend to shower my baby in pink or blue, but if I am out and happen to see something I like that is particularly gender specific, like a dress (Which really would be the only thing I guess), I can purchase it and spread the cost of baby preparation out over a few months.
3. This idea that I will know WHO is in there. This may seems silly since I said the gender doesn't matter that greatly, but as much as we may fight it, gender is still a part of your idenity and how others will view you.
4. Grammar. Yeah, that's right. I don't like calling my baby "it," and the laborious he or she is already getting tiring. Alternating between the two (or the two names we are considering) feels weird too as I'm 50% wrong. This could just be because I am an English teacher or it could have something to do with being accurate about the identity of my child, but these quips are driving me crazy-- even though we came up with a gender neutral nickname, pronouns still need to be used.
5. Gender Reveal! Perhaps this reason is superficial, but it would be so fun to do a gender reveal at my party. Balloons or cake. I mean this gives me the opportunity to share the news with a lot of people all at once. If I wait or just tell people, the news will trickle out. I suppose some could like hearing "Yay it's a girl/boy" over and over in their ear, but I'll take the big bang of a room full of people reacting over that any day.
6. My impatient side will be put to rest, at least for a bit. Time is already moving SO slowly. If I have one less thing to wait for, I might drive myself a little less crazy by the time Baby finally gets here in March.

Possible worries? The ultrasound could be wrong. It happens, though seemingly less so the longer we wait and the more years pass according to these studies,  and even though I won't shower my child in pink and blue or overly girly or boyish things, someone somewhere will. But this could happen after they are born anyway. And I can choose not to tell others.

Pros of waiting:

1. Despite the studies noted above, I won't have to worry if the ultra sound was wrong.
2. This is a very difficult concept to explain, but I think it will be more exciting. I will be surprised no matter what, but there is something about the build in anticipation. Of course, there is also the possibility for disappointment, though I really hope not. This idea that a person is developing inside me but we know nothing about him or her is kind of neat, even if the impatient part of me is driven crazy by this.
3. My husband's opinion. Though I feel that we do make decisions together, I do tend to get my way a lot. I don't force it, my husband just has a tendency to spoil me, despite his teasing. So he told me that 80% of him wants to tell me to wait just because he knows the concept drives me a little crazy right now, but that 20% of him really does want to wait, for the two reasons above. He says in the end he doesn't care either way, but the idea that he is leaning toward waiting is enough to make me consider it more seriously, and would feel like a way to involve him more in the per-birth process, since he can't connect physically on his own.
4. Other people guessing. Yeah, it is fun to see what other people think and why, and even doing something with betting games (money or not) during the pregnancy or at the baby shower does sound fun.
5. My baby will be more exciting to others. I can't tell you why this matters, and maybe it is some kind of pre-my-baby-is-the-best-mommy-syndrome, but I do notice that I am more excited when the gender and name are surprise when the baby is not mine. If I know Gavin or Pheobe is on the way, I am excited, but when they get here it is more of a "they finally got here" type of excitement. When I don't know, it's like "oh my God there's a new person I had no clue about right here in front of me!" Again, this is hard to explain.
6. Gender bias avoided. Both by me and all the expectant family and friends.  At least, not until after the birth.

My current solution to my problem seems to be to find out for myself, but then not tell anyone else. And if that makes me a perfect example of "Pregnant Women are Smug" by Garfunkle and Oats, so be it.  I get the benefits of others not knowing, while still reaping the benefits of knowing myself. It's like getting the best of both worlds while avoiding some of the most popular downfalls. If I others don't know and I don't want to tell, my shower still needs to be gender neutral etc etc etc. 

The problem is, my husband doesn't think we (he means me) won't be able to keep it a secret. I have two days to work this out. I think I'll just go with my gut the day of.

UPDATE: So we found out. I am MORE excited now than I was before. I cannot tell you how wonderful it feels to say the right pronoun. I don't think I'm going to make it to my shower, but I do want to find a really cute way to tell everyone online.