My husband isn't what most people would call the most romantic guy. He doesn't gush over the color of my eyes and is more likely to call me pudgy before he'll call me cute. He's a teaser. When he does do romantic things (he went to Jared! ;) )he doesn't usually broadcast it. The interesting thing is, I don't need him to be or expect him to be.
We don't have a "traditional" romance, but the problem with the idea of "traditional" romance is, in some ways, I think we come to expect great big things. And when we expect big things any unuttered I- love- you or forgotten Valentine's Day brings into question whether or not they mean it when they do say it.
I could be wrong. This could simply be a difference between a mature relationship and a young relationship. And I don't mean the age of the couple, though I suppose that would have some effect. I mean the relationship itself. We are more romantic with each other on date 10 then we are on date 563, and maybe that's what we expect. Though I think a slew of suddenly unhappy couples would tell you otherwise.
Maybe the trick is to avoid the rush at all. Chris and I have been persistently romantically underwhelming since date one. Let's face it, we didn't even know our first date was a date. It was obvious to everyone, but us.
My aunt once told me she knew her husband loved her because of the little stuff. Like, when it's cold out he goes out and turns on the seat warmers in her car. A small gesture, but one that shows she is on his mind. This idea stuck with me and I've always liked the linking of such a strong emotion to such a small, mundane gesture.
Well.
Chris bought me mouthwash today.
So? So, the dentist recently told me that I have to start using it again. I know this and I could have sworn I had a bottle somewhere. And let's face it, I'll spend the next 3 months looking for the bottle I thought I had somewhere before I'll go buy a new one. My gums were bothering me the other night, too.
Chris is going out of town for 2 weeks, so he had to run to the store while I was at work today. I asked him to grab some toilet paper while he was out. He did. But he also came back with mouthwash. I didn't ask him to. And he had plenty on his mind, getting ready to go. And he thought to get it for me. He also left it out and showed it to me, so I'd know I had it.
So, sure we order pizza on Valentine's Day. The majority of my Birthday presents have been bought in my presence. I can't remember ever getting a mushy card, let alone a love letter.
But he'll surprise me with flowers for no reason. Knock snow off my car. Give me his sweater when I'm freezing in a restaurant or movie theater. Call and make sure I got up when my alarm went off.
He tells me he probably won't miss me while he's on his trip.
20 minutes after dropping him off at the airport, a little later than we should have, he calls to let me know he made it.
These things may not seem like some overly sentimental gesture, but I've come to realize that it is these seemingly inconsequential little "I remembered you" moments that are actually little I - love - you's, and when you add those up throughout a day, a week, a month, a lifetime- that's a whole lot of love.
We don't have a "traditional" romance, but the problem with the idea of "traditional" romance is, in some ways, I think we come to expect great big things. And when we expect big things any unuttered I- love- you or forgotten Valentine's Day brings into question whether or not they mean it when they do say it.
I could be wrong. This could simply be a difference between a mature relationship and a young relationship. And I don't mean the age of the couple, though I suppose that would have some effect. I mean the relationship itself. We are more romantic with each other on date 10 then we are on date 563, and maybe that's what we expect. Though I think a slew of suddenly unhappy couples would tell you otherwise.
Maybe the trick is to avoid the rush at all. Chris and I have been persistently romantically underwhelming since date one. Let's face it, we didn't even know our first date was a date. It was obvious to everyone, but us.
My aunt once told me she knew her husband loved her because of the little stuff. Like, when it's cold out he goes out and turns on the seat warmers in her car. A small gesture, but one that shows she is on his mind. This idea stuck with me and I've always liked the linking of such a strong emotion to such a small, mundane gesture.
Well.
Chris bought me mouthwash today.
So? So, the dentist recently told me that I have to start using it again. I know this and I could have sworn I had a bottle somewhere. And let's face it, I'll spend the next 3 months looking for the bottle I thought I had somewhere before I'll go buy a new one. My gums were bothering me the other night, too.
Chris is going out of town for 2 weeks, so he had to run to the store while I was at work today. I asked him to grab some toilet paper while he was out. He did. But he also came back with mouthwash. I didn't ask him to. And he had plenty on his mind, getting ready to go. And he thought to get it for me. He also left it out and showed it to me, so I'd know I had it.
So, sure we order pizza on Valentine's Day. The majority of my Birthday presents have been bought in my presence. I can't remember ever getting a mushy card, let alone a love letter.
But he'll surprise me with flowers for no reason. Knock snow off my car. Give me his sweater when I'm freezing in a restaurant or movie theater. Call and make sure I got up when my alarm went off.
He tells me he probably won't miss me while he's on his trip.
20 minutes after dropping him off at the airport, a little later than we should have, he calls to let me know he made it.
These things may not seem like some overly sentimental gesture, but I've come to realize that it is these seemingly inconsequential little "I remembered you" moments that are actually little I - love - you's, and when you add those up throughout a day, a week, a month, a lifetime- that's a whole lot of love.
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