For months I have dreamed of having "nothing" to do. I certainly don't have "nothing" to do, but this freedom from deadlines is quite a bit interesting. Without their pressing, ever nearing march in the back of my mind, the weekend feels so quiet. Too quiet.
It makes me antsy. I still feel like I am wasting time. What is that? Is it a preconditioning? Is that simply the way the mind works? After months, years, of due dates and projects, it expects them around every corner?
Seemingly then I can train my mind to be the other way as well. This I fear. I don't want to lose my ability to get it all done. At the same time, I already sense the fear of "extra" work. There is no reason to right now, but I know how the little things can pile up.
It makes me antsy. I still feel like I am wasting time. What is that? Is it a preconditioning? Is that simply the way the mind works? After months, years, of due dates and projects, it expects them around every corner?
Seemingly then I can train my mind to be the other way as well. This I fear. I don't want to lose my ability to get it all done. At the same time, I already sense the fear of "extra" work. There is no reason to right now, but I know how the little things can pile up.
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